The temporary ease

Its not that I’m addicted to drinking as in addicted to the substance alcohol.  That would suggest I’m addicted to something else in the act, but that too is only partially right. The problem is the feeling of life’s meaninglessness that makes me uneasy. I treat the feeling by having a beer or a few while watching one of my favourite shows for the seventh time from my laptop screen. However,  after a few hours or days another void or hole makes its appearance. That is the empty spot my mind has about social life. Its 11 in the evening. I can’t contact anyone for a beer and a chat anymore. So what I do is I try to fill that void by going to where there are people – the nearest bar. Although it, as usually, disturbs me to be around many strangers alone, the relief of not being trapped inside those four walls alone overcomes it. I don’t like spending a lot of money drinking outside, but I don’t feel I have many choices to ease the situation – the building anxiety of condensing loneliness that follows my current life of killing time and trying to enjoy myself by myself as long as possible.

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~ by Ndprs on February 20, 2013.

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